Students with learning disabilities too often carry an additional burden – the stress and anxiety that come with knowing that every day at school carries the likelihood of struggle, if not failure. Granted, every child feels some pressure every day, but the experiences of the students we work with make their worries more intense – sometimes to the point of crippling. Fortunately, we have healthy strategies to help those students make their stress manageable, and even turn it in their favor.
Stress as self-preservation
Stress is a natural reaction to a potential threat. That threat might be physical, like a baseball flying toward a batter’s head. Stress triggers the instinctive reaction to deal with the threat – the batter ducks. Stress spurred the action that saved the day.
At school, students aren’t dodging fastballs or any other physical threat. But stress is also a response to mental or emotional distress, and it can have positive results. A band member stressed out by their difficult solo in the holiday concert could respond by practicing until they can play it fluently and confidently. A student stressed by the prospect of a bad grade can turn their fears into positive action by studying diligently and doing extra credit. This is all good stress—the kind that spurs us to do the work we know needs to be done. And when we meet the challenge, our self-esteem becomes that much stronger.
But stress doesn’t always drive someone to a better outcome. Bad stress usually accompanies feelings of helplessness, the belief that no matter what you do, disaster is inevitable. In response, another natural reaction might occur – the student shuts down, or freezes mentally or physically. So instead of mastering the solo, the musician is overwhelmed during the concert and can’t get through it. The struggling student becomes so convinced of the inevitability of failure that they give up without really trying. Instead of motivating positive action, bad stress produces paralysis.
In all these examples, stress was natural, even expected. The difference is how the individuals reacted. Did stress motivate them to take positive action, to meet the challenge as best they could? Or did it overwhelm them, leading to self-defeating behavior that will make the next similar situation even harder to handle? And what can we do to reduce a child’s stress levels and encourage them to respond to stress more productively?
“Stress is a huge factor for kids like those we work with who have learning difficulties,” says Lawrence Kloth, co-founder of Reading Success Plus. “Most of our students have challenges like dyslexia, ADHD, or dysgraphia, and school will always be difficult for them.”
What is stress?
Anxiety is an emotion that can feel like worry, dread, or uneasiness. According to the American Psychological Association, “physical signs of anxiety include sweating, rapid heartbeat, increased breathing rate, stomachaches and headaches, as well as changes in appetite and sleep patterns.”
“Emotional signs include excessive worrying, focusing on negative thoughts that bad things will happen, difficulty concentrating, feeling stuck, and irritability.
“Behavioral signs include restlessness, acting out, avoiding situations or tasks, and looking out for danger.”
Anxiety and fear are similar, but fear involves worry that is more realistic about things in the present, whereas anxiety involves excessive concerns that might not match the actual danger. Anxiety can also mean brooding over negative things that might happen in the future. Some anxiety may be normal (e.g., before public speaking), or even helpful because it is motivating (e.g., getting ready for a test), but too much anxiety can interfere with daily functioning.
Additionally, chronic stress can develop into more severe anxiety disorders. “The triggers for these anxiety disorders are normal developmental activities that most children routinely master or even enjoy,” reports the American Academy of Pediatrics. Because schools expose youngsters to these activities every day, that is where anxiety is centered.
These anxiety disorders begin in elementary school but often are not recognized or treated until adolescence, if then. The problem likely isn’t something a child will outgrow, says Dr. Wendy Silverman, director of the Yale Medicine Child Study Center’s Anxiety & Mood Disorders Program. Research links untreated childhood anxiety with mental illness in adulthood. She adds that anxiety is the most common mental health problem in children and adults, with the median age of onset being 11.
Lawrence, who has dyslexia and ADHD, remembers his anxiety as a student.
“I hated school,” he recalls. “Every day was a struggle. And that’s the way it is for a lot of our kids. Sometimes it’s more than they can handle, constantly being forced to work through their weaknesses. So they come up with these coping behaviors. They may refuse even to try, because that somehow feels better than trying and failing – at least they have the feeling of control. Or maybe they will act out and be the class clown to show everyone they don’t care.
“The real problem isn’t that they don’t care – it’s that when school is that difficult and learning seems so hopeless, it’s easier to just blow it all off and say it doesn’t matter.”
That pain may never go away.
“I once talked with a business owner – very successful, prominent in the community. He had a hard time in school, though, like many people with dyslexia or other learning disabilities, he discovered and developed his strengths and went on to a successful life. But even with all his success, his business, everything that he achieved, he still remembers the emotional pain of being forced to wear a dunce cap during school. You don’t forget that.”
Stress and dyslexia
An article by the International Dyslexia Association explains why chronic stress is especially common among students with dyslexia. Stress and anxiety increase when you’re in a difficult situation and you feel you have no control. People with dyslexia are especially prone to this because many of them don’t understand their disability and blame themselves for their problems in a most self-destructive fashion. (“I’m so stupid. I will never be able to do this. I hate all of it.”) This can go on for years, destroying the child’s self-esteem, making them less able to face daily challenges, and it can spill out beyond academics into social interactions. They become more stressed and anxious.
These students have suffered through years of frustration, no matter how hard they have worked. They may not get the support they need, or they feel additional stigma when they are singled out for extra attention. “Their progress may have been agonizingly slow and frustrating, rendering them emotionally fragile and vulnerable,” the article says. Years of classroom corrections, teasing from peers, and criticism from family leave them “embarrassed, cautious, and defensive.”
What can we do?
Severe stress and anxiety can produce painful, damaging consequences. Fortunately, parents, caregivers, teachers, and youngsters themselves all can act to manage stress, reduce its harmful impacts, and even use it as motivation for self-improvement. Here are some strategies taken from the Child Mind Institute, the International Dyslexia Association, and our experiences with the hundreds of students at Reading Success Plus who deal with anxiety every day.
Your goal is to manage stress, not eliminate it. Nobody wants to see their child unhappy. However, eliminating or removing a child from stressful situations is only a short-term fix. You can’t protect your child from every uncomfortable moment; instead, teach the child to deal with them.
Respect their feelings without reinforcing their fears. If a child is terrified about going to school, acknowledge their fears, but don’t magnify them. Listen, be empathetic, help them understand what they’re anxious about, and encourage them to feel that they can rise to the challenge. Your message should be, “I know it’s hard, but I know you can get through this, and I’m here to help you do it.”
Help the student understand their disability. The better a child with dyslexia or ADHD understands their mind’s limitations and strengths, the better they can cope with difficult situations. They will know that their learning difficulties aren’t because they are “stupid.” They can learn from their failures and prepare for future similar challenges. They can discover what strategies best fit their abilities and how to maximize success.
Teach self-calming strategies. Deep breathing, getting permission to move around the classroom, and using fidget toys all can ease stress. Outside the classroom, mindfulness activities such as yoga can help, as can any kind of exercise.
Find satisfying activities outside of school. At Reading Success Plus, we always encourage students to find their passion, whether it’s in the arts, athletics, cooking, caring for animals – anything that the youngster loves and, importantly, can feel good about. Anxiety’s most destructive consequence may be its damage to the child’s self-esteem. Finding fulfillment outside of school can build confidence, giving the child the strength they need to face difficult tasks.
Make sure your child has the support they need. Be your child’s advocate. Instead of trying to remove them from difficult situations, make sure they have the help to get through them. In school, that means communicating with the teacher about their needs. It may be fighting for an IEP or 504 plan, or making sure they have the needed accommodations. Beyond the classroom, it might mean tutoring or other additional support that will build their academic skills. “Competence instills confidence, and competence leads to success,” the Dyslexia Association says. “Control through competence is the best way to eradicate stress and anxiety.”
A little bit of stress is a good thing – it focuses our attention on what needs to be done. But for those with learning disabilities, stress can be a never-ending, destructive force. Our job as parents, caregivers, and educators is to give these youngsters the support they need to handle stress and develop the skills necessary to move through difficult situations more easily.
Reading Success Plus has offices in Grand Rapids and Troy. It offers one-on-one tutoring online or in person in reading, math, and writing, as well as personal and family coaching. You can get more information at readingsuccessplus.com. To contact us, call 833-229-1112 or go online to readingsuccessplus.com/contact.